She has said she wants to stay in her own bed, in her own chair. You have said yes. Now the house has to answer for that yes, and the easiest place to start is not the bathroom or the stairs. It is her fear.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Why her fear is a requirement
People who want to stay home usually have a picture of what would make it fail. Some of it is practical: she does not want to lie on the floor for an hour before anyone comes. Some of it is about dignity: she does not want to be helped with washing while the neighbors can see through the front window. Some of it is about being a burden, and that one is often the hardest to hear. Each fear points at a part of the house or the plan that has to hold. If you plan only for falls and medical needs, you may build a house that is safe and still miserable for her.
Ask the questions out loud
Pick a quiet time, not the middle of a bad night. Ask her what she would hate most about staying home, then ask what she would hate most about leaving. Write down her answers in her words. Ask who she would want to call first if she could not get up, and whether she would rather that call reach you, a neighbor, or a number taped to the refrigerator. Ask whether there are hours she dreads, such as the evening, the early morning, or the stretch after the television goes off.
Do not argue with the answers yet. A fear you think is silly is still information. A fear that surprises you may point to the one thing that separates a plan that works from one that only looks good on paper.
Sort her fears into the house
Take the list and sort each item into one of three piles. The first pile holds things the house can handle with small changes: a light she can reach without standing, a chair with arms she can push up from, a phone she can use from the floor. The second pile holds things that need a person: someone to check in at a set time, someone to help with bathing, someone who knows her routine well enough to notice when it shifts. The third pile holds things the house cannot handle on its own, however it is arranged. Those items tell you the plan needs more help than family alone can give, or that it is time to bring the care team in.
Compare the list to your real week
Once the list is sorted, check it against your ordinary week, not your best one. Ask which items depend on you being awake, available, and well. Ask which items depend on one single person. If several of her biggest fears depend on you alone, that is not a failure on your part. It is a sign that the promise is starting to rest on one set of hands, and that is the moment to write the next step down.
Then ask her again after a few weeks what has changed. Fears shift as the body and the routines shift. The list is not a one-time form. It is a way of keeping her voice in the room while the house and the plan are being built.
What to bring to the care team
When you talk with the care team, bring her list and your three piles. Ask them which of her fears they can help with, which they cannot, and what they would watch for over time. You do not need every answer before that conversation. You need her words, your honest limits, and a clear sense of which items are still waiting on help.