Most families who start this search are not reacting to a request. They are reacting to a feeling at 2am: that if they say yes to her staying home, something will break, and it will be them who breaks. That feeling is real, and it is useful as a warning. It is a poor blueprint.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
She asked for something smaller and more exact than the feeling. Often it was: keep me in my own bed, keep me in my own chair, don't put me somewhere I don't know. Those are the words the house has to serve. Before you measure, buy, or hire anything, write her request in her own terms on one line.
How to tell you are planning for the fear
You are probably planning for the fear if you cannot say which day the plan would be tested, if most of your ideas start with the words what if, or if the list keeps growing without anyone saying what it is supposed to hold. A fear has no edges, so every idea looks necessary.
A request has edges. Her own bed is a place, a set of moments, and a list of tasks: getting in, getting out, reaching the bathroom, sleeping through the night. Her own chair is a seat height, an arm she pushes on, a view she wants, a reach to the table. You can check each of those.
What to check against her request
Walk through one ordinary day with her one-line request in hand. Note every point where she would need help to do something she asked to keep doing herself. Those points are the real list. Everything else is a wish you can come back to later.
Then separate what the family can cover from what belongs to the care team. A family can move a chair, clear a path, or arrange for a neighbor to check in. Questions about her body, her medicines, or what a change in her condition would mean belong with her doctor and the care team, not with a guess made in the kitchen at night.
If the list is still long after this, that is information too. Bring the request and the list to the care team and ask which items they would call essential and which they would call helpful. You are not asking for a verdict on the house. You are asking which of her own words the house can hold, and what would change that.
For the order of these steps, read the order to read. To see how we decide what goes into a piece like this, read how we write.