When a night goes wrong, the people in the house need to know who can make decisions, where the papers are, and who the care team should hear from. Those answers live on paper, and many families discover they do not have them only when they need them. Before you commit to keeping her home, find the papers and read them with one plain question in mind: who can act for her if she cannot?
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Find the documents and where the originals live
Look for any advance directive, any health care proxy or power of attorney, her insurance cards, a current list of her doctors with phone numbers, and the name and number of her pharmacy. Write down where each original is kept. Make sure at least two people know the location and that anyone who may need to act can reach it.
Check the names, not only the forms
A document can be signed and still name someone who is no longer the right person, or it can name no one at all. Read the names and phone numbers aloud. Ask whether the person named is willing and able to be reached at night. If the papers name no one, or the person named lives far away, put that on the list of things to talk through with her and with a lawyer.
Bring the list to the care team
The care team will want to know what is on file: her wishes about hospital care, her doctors, a written list of her medicines, and who should be called first. Bring copies or a one-page summary. Ask what they need, what they will keep on their own record, and how they will reach the people named on the papers when the house is quiet.
Ask a lawyer what the papers cover
This article is a checklist of what to find and what to ask, not legal advice. A lawyer who works with older adults in your area can tell you whether her documents still say what she wants and what they do and do not allow. Bring the originals and your list. Ask what would need to change before the house can count on carrying out her wishes. For local names and places to start, see Local help for keeping her home.