At 2am the question sounds simple: which provider can we trust to come into her house? Most families start with a name from an ad, a recommendation from a friend, or the first person who answers the phone with a warm voice. Those things matter, but they are hard to compare side by side. A written plan is easier to hold up to the light.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Describe one ordinary week
Write down one week of her actual life, not an ideal one. Include the mornings she needs help getting up and dressed, the lunch she likes, the bath or shower day, any appointment that needs a ride, and the evening when she tires most. Add the hours you cannot cover yourself. Give the same description to every provider you are considering, in the same words, so the comparison is fair.
Read what each plan actually says
Ask each provider to return a written plan for that week. Read it for specifics: which tasks happen, at what time, for how long, and who is responsible for each one. A plan that promises daily support tells you very little. A plan that says what happens between seven and eight in the morning shows whether the provider has pictured her kitchen and her routine.
Check whether the plan says what the helper will not do, and what happens when a need falls outside the listed tasks. You do not need a perfect answer. You need to see whether the provider has thought about the edges, because the edges are where a house starts to strain.
Find where the plan hands work back to you
Every plan leaves some work with family, and that is normal. Look for the line where the provider's part ends and yours begins. Good plans name that line plainly. Vague plans leave it blurred, and the blur usually lands on the daughter at 2am. Medicines stay with the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist, so confirm that in writing too. Mark every task on each plan that will still be yours, then count those hours honestly.
Ask about the people who will come
A plan describes tasks, but people carry them out. Ask who will be assigned to her, whether the same few helpers come most weeks, and what happens when one of them is out sick. Ask how the provider tells you a change has been made to the schedule or the plan. Ask for the training record and the background check policy in writing, not only a spoken yes. Keep the answers in one folder with the plans.
Compare the papers side by side
Put the two plans on one page. Circle every task that appears on one and not the other. Note the hours, the start and end times, and any task that has no owner. Then ask each provider about the three differences that matter most to her. The provider who answers those in writing, without rushing you, is giving you the information you came for.
If you are still gathering names, start with the local help for keeping her home page. The start here page gives the order to read the rest of this guide series.